My Pants Are Too Tight: A Return to Blogging

I've been having a lot of these moments lately—moving back home to the island apparently meant that I'd be eating a ton of local home-cooked food (read: carbs). I mean, I love food. And being away from home for five years meant that I was missing out on all that island cooking I grew up eating. I had to make up for lost time.

I didn't give it too much thought when my jeans didn't fit me anymore. It is after all, an island. It's too hot for jeans. Or clothes actually. But, nonetheless, today I tried on a pair of khakis I received ages ago. Initially when I got them they were too big, but I kept them with the intention that they would make a fun sewing project (once I figured out how to sew).

Now they don't fit. And I don't mean they're a little snug. I mean I cannot pull the zipper up even if I tried. Because trust me, I tried.

So I had a moment where I hated my body. I hated myself for eating so much. But more than that, I hated the fact that while I knew I was gaining weight, I didn't love myself enough to take better care of my body. I didn't love myself enough. And that scared me.

When I first had the idea for "the dear body project" that thing you probably never heard of because I fell off the blogging wagon, I acknowledged that I didn't have the best body image. But this realization that it stemmed from a lack of self-love is revelatory. Somehow I had missed the connection. We must love ourselves first. Always. Period. I'm not sure yet how I will pursue this. But I think striving for unwavering self love is worth pursuing. 

And I have to acknowledge that although I haven't blogged in more than a year, everything about the original layout—buttons, pages, header—fits perfectly, now more than ever. Funny that I decided to blog today after all this time, because my pants don't fit... And, well, I don't believe in coincidences.